An Experiment Turned Experience

One night I was laying in bed getting ready for sleep.  My neck hurt a bit so I rolled the pillow under the arch of my neck and laid on my back.  I was very comfortable.  I had thought about my third eye, a healing Chakra, and decided to stare at with my eyes closed.  At first I saw the color blue, bright dark blue.  The color became enlarged, then shrunk, and seemed to do so on and off.  Then I began to see what looked like eye lashes.  My logical brain told me they were reflections of my own eyelashes imposing an image. I then decided that I was not going to judge this. Others believe in religion, gods, and other things, so it is okay for me to embrace this spiritual experience as it was.  As I continued to gaze at my third eye, I began to see the lashes part. A deep, beautiful eye appeared.  


I felt satisfied at that time and pondered what I had just experienced.  Each night, I would try again.  Each night I saw more.  After the lashes and eye, I saw a face, then long straight hair, then an image of a beautiful woman.  Her eyes were dark, but sure, not frightening.  Her stance was strong and confident, but welcoming and assuring at the same time. She was calm, relaxed, and full of love.  When I saw her I felt comforted, loved, hugged, warm, and safe.  

I know that she is with me every day, I know that she is the real me. When I am feeling unsafe or distressed, she comforts me.  When I am feeling lost or sad, she is there.  I find her just by closing my eyes for a moment. As time passes I feel her presences never leaving.  She reassures me that I am good, loved, and safe.

Wizard of Oz - The Getting Is The Giving

Over the past several years I have encountered things that remind me of the Wizard of Oz.  A book I had read at a past employer referenced the work environment to be similar to the characters and story in the movie. "If I only had,"...but you've had it all along.  Very nice thought and something I have found to be true with some searching.  

I have kept this story in my mind for many years and have found it to be relevant to so many other jobs, relationships, and experiences.  I have seen the bad witch, in work, and acquaintances.  The bad witch was jealous of her good witch sister.  The bad witch wanted peace in her life, but was so blocked by her own self that she substituted peace with power alone.  Her evil monkeys danced around for her. She was powerful to those who were weak and afraid.  As you remember she was evil and mean...and a house fell on her.  (getting what she gave:))

The good witch showed Dorothy and her friends that if they trusted themselves, they could triumph over evil and find peace.  Dorothy and her friends were open to the thought, they had nothing to lose by trying.  The giving is the getting.  Dorothy gave her friends companionship and trust, and they returned it.  The journey gave them strength, courage, and the comfort of Auntie Em.

I personally have played the part of each character at some stage in my life.  I prefer to be more good than evil.  While some days I am as lost as Dorothy, or frighted as the lion, I try to stay on my path and look at the bright side of anything.  

Celebration And Reflection

Last week I wasn't sure if I would have money for my rent.  Neither my son or I had jobs and we were running out of money fast.  I remained calm and kept my what if thinking at bay.  Rather than obsessing in negativity and doubt, I had a clear mind.  I learned to sit back and watch my thought rather than be it.  

This week my son and I both started new jobs!  Not only are we both working now, but we are working for phenomenal companies that appreciate their employees, offer growth, and promote training.  These are key items that I did not have in my last job.  I am in awe at my life and how I have reacted to it over these past several weeks.  I know myself more than ever before.  I feel healthy, content, and happy with my life.  I have met so many wonderful people in this time.  I have spent valuable time with my son, time that has allowed a great growth for his future.  And I am learning how to let my baby bird fly from the nest, my beautiful boy is truly becoming a man.

I don't recommend this to everyone, but I would do it all over again without question.  Woo hoo!!!

How To Plan Without Stress

Some of you may have seen some of my postings about meditation.  Finally I have made the time to focus on me.  I recently joined a group of people who are learning, meditating, and it has helped me learn how to relax rather the stress.  One of the things I found stressful was planning. Planning is a normal thing that we all do. We plan our trips, our shopping lists, our careers.  These are normal things that are non personal actions. Sometimes when my calendar is full and my actions are all planned out, my mind begins to fill with what ifs and cants. Suddenly my ability to think clearly ceases and I am overwhelmed with thought of doubt.


Last month, I found a group on meetup.com with a session titled, How To Live With A Peace Of Mind And Without Stress! The session was a couple hours on a Saturday in a beautiful part of San Diego.  I invited a neighbor and went with an open mind.  I became aware that day of something so simple, yet profound.  I met kind people, and I had dialogue with others who had similar experiences.

Who/What Am I with Albert Nahmani teaches being present and aware during our daily activities. Planning is a non personal, non stressful thing.  Our minds can sometimes subtly slide into conversations about what if causing doubt and worry.  Why does this happen, how can I recognize it?  If our mind is conditioned to recognize this action we can become aware of it.  Understanding how to recognize the difference of what is and what if may allow the worry to be lessened because it is just a thought, it is not happening now.


Recognition of this subtle sliding is a technique I plan to practice and master.  I am enjoying free Dialogue/Satsang's  with Albert Nahmani and Who/What Am I.  If you ever want to join me, and visit San Diego, come on over:)

Ever Wonder Why I Didn’t Call You Back?

Leaving messages sounds like an easy task.  Many times people forget to leave important information in their message.  For example, “Hi Chris, I just wanted to follow up with you on the job we talked about a few weeks back.  Call me when you can.”  First of all, who are you? What job? A few weeks ago, really??  What is your number?  Unfortunately this happens.  


Here are some tips on how can you as the caller can leave a message with excellence.


• State your name first and last 
• Provide your phone number clearly
• Why you are calling, get to the point  
• Repeat your name and phone number.  DO NOT RUSH!! 
• Don’t ramble, allow you message to act as a text with a voice


These tips will help ensure the receiver gets a clear message without frustration.  No matter how impactful your last meeting was, you never know what else is going in their life.  Be clear and allow time for the receiver to write down your information.  If you are leaving a message with a person, follow the above tips and be sure to ask when you can expect a call back.

Tell me about yourself

The land of self employment is exciting, lots of hard work, but very slow in getting deals signed.  Two proposals later, I am continuing my search for stable employment and working the individual biz on the side.  After weeks of tweaking my resume and cover letters my hard work is paying off.  Interviews are being scheduled and it's time to put my game face on.  I typically do well in the interview.  I am confident and can speak clearly.  After years in management, I have done my fair share of interviewing.  My favorite questions to ask are, "describe a situation with an unsatisfied customer...what was the issue...how did you handle it,"  Or, "if you were a car, what kind would best describe you," and my favorite, "tell me something about yourself that would surprise me."

My first interview was last week with Apple.  I applied for an at-home management position.  How fantastic, work from home for a big name and add some sparkle and shine to my resume.  My fingers were fast at work researching the company, setting up my Skype account.  I practiced in the mirror and my dear friend helped me decorate my room so the backdrop of the webcam made it seem like an office.  The day came and went with discontentment. I wasn't prepared for the questions!  I stuttered, I rambled, it was like my brain went on vacation and took my speaking abilities with it.  


I know what I did wrong, I should have asked for clarification.  "How did you manage," was the question.  Well, I listed actions I took, how I performed staff evaluations, one on ones, performance improvements...but were they asking if I was a micro manager, or a working manager.  What did that question really mean.  I've been reading educational posts on how to interview, what to say, how to prepare etc.  For some reason that all went out the window and my intellect froze.


This week I have another interview with a large hospital.  I must prepare for the questions: why did you leave your last job without having another job?  Why should I hire you?  Tell me about yourself?  How will you make a difference?  Learning from my past will help me grow in the future. I will be prepared and rock their socks off.  Something good is going to happen, I believe this, I know this.

Social Living

My calendar next week has more friend activities than work. I want to live this way. Feeling a little lost however. I have been searching for part time work and perfecting my focus for freelancing. I love to do so many different things and it is affecting my focus. If only I could be, "Jack, provider of many trades, master juggler" :)  I will keep my head up and my dimples in check.  

I attended my first singles meet up event. It was in downtown San Diego.  The outside of the building reminded me of some pubs in Dublin. The exterior was sunshine yellow with white trim and a cool sign. The Tipsy Crow...There was a main floor bar, upstairs lounge, and basement dance floor. The interior was decorated dark with reds, browns, leather and velvet, very cool venue. I will go back there. I arrived just after the start of mingle time. There was a fairly even mixture of men and women, all over 30 and all professionals. 

I made a quick scan of the room. It was strange to know that each person in the room was single, over 30, and looking to meet people. Typically going out you don't always know what you are in for. This helped with the guess work. There was one obviously aesthetically appealing man (to me anyway) and he turned out to be the least interesting person to talk to...go figure:)  We split up into teams and played some games. Then after a raffle, I won a prize, I was approached by a man who had been eyeing me for a while. He was average height, average looks, not creepy. He asked me what I liked to do. I told him I like to hike..."so, your an outdoorsy gal...I camp, but I have a trailer, and toys, and a boat, and...." All nice, but trying too hard to impress me with mere objects.  Then after that didn't work, he calmed down and told me all about what he did for work and less about his stuff. I found him to be less annoying and more attractive. 

I was no better. When I first got there I was asked after my period of silence, "Wow, you are so talkative."  To which I said, "I'm hung over from last night." Really, did I really just admit that to a group of strangers, haha! Yes, my friends birthday was last night and I had a little too much. Anyone that knows me knows this is not a common experience, but that I cannot have more than two cocktails without feeling sick for 48 hours after. The awkwardness disappeared and the group played games and enjoyed conversations about work, travel, and life. No love connections, but I met some cool people and I will totally do it again...in fact this week I'll be playing volley ball with a group of single strangers. 

Trying not to stress about work.  I am looking for something at least part time so I can keep up this venture. I have some great family and friends that believe in me. Time to go play in the sun and forget my woes for a little.  

The Search Continues

The job market is very different than ever before. I used to search the want ads in the newspaper. A phone call to the hiring company, bring in a paper version of your resume and setting up an interview was the process.  Today everything is electronic and networking. Tanner asked about job opportunities at a local supermarket and was told to go on line, fill out the application, print it and then bring it in, that was her tip:). I get emails from various sites I belong to regarding, "how to make your resume stick out", "how to get the interview", etc. I have applied for many and turned down for a few, but that means I have been seen. 


I have some amazing talents, and I know the right fit will become my reality. My mom said, "have faith in yourself!!!"  What a sweet thing to say. We all get down, but we have to have faith in ourselves. Thanks Mom! I will keep my chin up and find the right thing for me. I will rock at whatever I do. In the meantime, I will be supportive of my friends and family that are searching for the right thing. I won't forget my passions!

Manifesto

In my second interview with the placement agency the very nice gentleman I spoke with asked if he could be frank.  I said, "yes please", and was fairly certain he was going to tell me something I already knew.  He said, " you are a bright, well spoken woman. For someone of your age with no college degree until now, you must have some amazing skills.  However, you lack confidence, not in your presentation, but in yourself."  


Today I plan to write up my life's work...a portfolio. I found a super cool website that will help me organize my stuff and help me market myself.  I think the exercise will also remind me that I'm a pretty cool chick and have worked hard to get where I am in life. I also plan to submit a speech for graduation. These two things should get me up the mountain of accomplishment above the smog and clouds.  


Here's a link on how to put together a portfolio. I found it very helpful, great outline, easy to follow.  It could be for any kind of work. http://www.manifestyourpotential.com/index.html

The Interview Process

Yesterday I met with an job agency that helps you find THE JOB for a fee.  It was interesting.  I researched them a little before going in and found very limited information.  They are in a high rise, third floor, validated parking.  I entered the office and starting observing.  The reading choices were Wall Street Journal, Forbes, TIME, a Travel book, and Fortune magazines. On the table was a bowl of hard candies and an adjacent table had a number of business cards for the representatives. A list of countries was on the glass wall between the lobby and the empty conference room.  The relevance of countries was blocked by a well groomed plant.  A water feature and Buddha were in the corner.  Nice purple couches and the orchestra version soundtrack of Disney movies played.  The reception desk was a window, that was kept closed.  I was greeted and waited.  The man I met with was kind, funny and complimenting.  I found it interesting that I went right into observation mode.  Are there cameras watching to see if I pick up the Wall Street Journal or the travel book?  Would I be judged on my ability to work if I ate a candy?  So funny, I decided on a cinnamon sucker.

I have two prospects through networking that could be quite valid and both very interesting, fun, in ophthalmology. Both have different perks that would satisfy my personal needs.  I am enjoying my time at home, my sweet son is driving, it only took a week and he got his permit. I truly enjoy being able to be home with him to take care of this stuff we have been putting off.  Hoping for a work from home, part time gig, but after a few weeks of being off beggars cannot be choosers.  Networking, networking, networking:)

The Goal Challenge

Last night I spoke with my old job coach, he's not old, but we've known each other for many years now.  He knows what I can do and is a believer.  He also knows my personality and is good at asking me the questions I avoid asking myself.  I shared with him that I was seriously considering working for myself, consulting.  Since this is what he does, I figured he would be a good person to start with in my interview phase of, "what should I do with my life".  He affirmed that I should be writing my goals, which I started earlier that day and finished this morning.  
     I was supposed to take the week off to relax and all I could do was worry about this or that.  I kept applying for jobs, I couldn't put the computer down.  It's been 80 degrees and beautiful in San Diego...what the heck is wrong with me!!! I started to get a rash, I was short of breath, I was angry for no reason.  I kept thinking about my goals, what I should be doing, what do I want, how am I going to get it, etc.  
     So, today I wrote 5 goals for myself, a physical goal so I can love myself.  I made sure not to put down I would lose 10 pounds and go on a diet or anything crazy, I simply put that I would make time for me to do yoga, mediate, and sweat doing something.  It's only an hour, I could spend an hour in front of the boob tube easy, why not spend it on me.  I created a financial goal to help with my budgeting, a career goal to get this business idea started, a personal goal to volunteer more and a relationship goal to avoid me from continuing the behavior I have had since I was a teenage girl. 

     It's time to grow up, grow a pair, and love myself a little more.  I am back to feeling excited.  If I think of something else that needs to be done, I'll just add it to the list.  Next week is time to really vacation and work on the goals rather than stress about fifty million things that need to happen.  When I am stressed out I am a crazy person. When I am relaxed, I am a pretty cool chick and that's what I'd rather be.

Mental Vacation

For my first week I decided to take a mental vacation.  I have been hiking with my dog, sleeping in, and trying my best not to look for work.  Instead, every morning I am on the computer in bed with a cup of coffee improving my resume and sending it off to different companies.  I just don't know how to not work.  Next week I hope to meet with some connections.  I really want to start my own gig, but need some input on how to start that.  I am excited at the possibilities.  When I start to worry, I just go for a walk or take my little dog for a hike.  It has been a good week so far.  I am thankful to have a supporting family and great friends. Looking forward to the next chapter in my life.  

Yesterday I took my lil Daphne on a hike.  She was so dog tired and smelled awful....she and I both had a nice bath when we got home.  Today it's me and Tanner with some errands.  Off to walk the doggies first, then we will get on with our day.

Celebration

Today is the last day....I will miss my dear team that I work with, even though many of them are very new, they have been great to work with. I will miss my customers, even the cranky ones.  I got a full lunch every day this week...this is the most I have gone to lunch in two years.  Last night, some of my team took me out for drinks which was quite nice.  They are a kind and bright group of people.  When I got home I read my separation agreement.  It looked like divorce papers, so strange.  At least this time I'm the one getting paid:)  I will enjoy this day and the days to follow.  Until the, so long, farewell, aufwiedersehen, goodbye.....or the more fitting adios, shalom, later!!

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

Has your boss ever rode to work on a broom?  How did you deal with that?  When this happens, I get tense, I become reactive.  It affects me mentally and physically.  I become drained emotionally, I get a head ache that won't go away.  I was always taught to check my attitude at the door when coming to work.  This was hard when I was younger, but as I matured I learned that lesson.  I teach this lesson to my son and I share this with my peers and employees. How do you teach this to your boss?  How do you avoid the emotional and physical stress of this.  One person told me, "don't let it bother you."  I just don't know how not to.  Today is day 4 of 5 and after yesterday I am really ready.

Observations

Yesterday I was walking around the office and noticed some boxes on the floor, and things in disarray.  I thought to myself how I would be directed to that piece of paper on the floor, "be sure this gets picked up by the cleaning crew," the boss would say to me at 8pm after 11 hours on of work. Instead, the new guy is focused on creating procedures and tells the boss, "do you want a procedure for the staff, or do you want me to worry about trash?!?"  Interesting.  I learn something new everyday and yesterday I learned about me, what I tend to do, what I should do differently.  4 days left, and I'm still excited, no regrets. 

First day of the last week

Today is the first day of my last week of work. I chose to leave. I worry very little, which I find odd.  At first I was so afraid.  I worried daily that I would make the wrong choice or I would anger my boss.  Often when driving home I felt so helpless that I wanted to just drive off the road so I wouldn't have to go in the next day.  I didn't want to die, I just didn't want to go back to that job. It started when I decided we should hire a consultant to help us communicate better. The consultant was very nice, helpful and told both my boss and I that we needed to push our team more. I am my bosses team, my team is a group of people, more than half new to the industry and our company. I pushed, my boss pushed harder, it was a mess. I gave it my all, then there was nothing left. The consultant says, "you are unhappy, why don't you just leave?"  I was like, what, are you serious, I am responsible for another human, my child is still living at home, how could I possibly??? Then it hit me, "I want a package, is that possible?" Yes, yes it is.  A relief of stress, and the ability for me to say, "I quit," caused this lead weight to be lifted. I am excited, nervous, and cannot wait for this week to end. I have never not had a job in the past 20 years and right now it feels amazing!